


It's not like we're talking quantum physics here

by Talulabelle



Series: View Askew [2]
Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: F/M, Gratuitous use of movie quotes, Phil Coulson is a ninja
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-19
Updated: 2012-09-19
Packaged: 2017-11-14 15:41:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/516926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talulabelle/pseuds/Talulabelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now that Darcy's (mostly) recovered, it's time to have The Talk with Phil.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's not like we're talking quantum physics here

**Author's Note:**

> Again, thanks to [meinterrupted](http://archiveofourown.org/users/meinterrupted/pseuds/meinterrupted) for the beta!

It takes a week for Darcy to be cleared by medical, another before she feels like doing anything aside from laying on her couch and watching TV, and another before Phil’s schedule clears up enough for them to have time to get together for The Talk.

She’s not sure if she’s ready for said talk, because, just like with getting shot, it’s not anything she’s planned on doing. Well, at least not with Phil. Because before he was Phil he was Coulson. And before that he was the iPod Thief and, really, when some Jack Booted Thugs steal all your stuff, are you seriously going to start planning on having an adult conversation with them about a relationship?

And now she’s just getting ahead of herself, because the whole relationship thing hasn’t even been brought up yet. Phil’s just arrived at her apartment and they’ve just sat down and, yes, this is going to happen. Ready or not.

“So.” She breaks the ice first. Might as well get it over with.

“Yes.” He quirks one eyebrow and, damn, in this context it’s actually hot despite seeing him do that to so many agents and lackeys at work. “Inappropriate thoughts?”

Darcy gives herself some credit for not blushing (again) at that, or stumbling over her words. Instead she gives a casual shrug. “Yeah. I mean, have you seen yourself in a suit?” Oh, how lame. “Okay, stupid question, because of course you have. But you look damn fine in a suit, and maybe I have a bit of a thing for authority figures.”

“But I’m not your boss.”

“Yeah, I know, we’ve gone over that. Jane’s really my boss and, yeah, she’s cute but I got over that whole phase my sophomore year of college. But you are technically one of my supervisors.”

“Yes.”

“Are you always so non-verbal? Is that just a part of the whole ninja thing?”

His only response is a slight smirk.

Darcy sighs.

“Look, Phil.” It’s still weird to say his name. “I think you’re a cool guy, and that maybe if we spent some time getting to know each other that, you know, this could go somewhere. And that sounded so much more adult and formal in my head than it did just now.” She sighs again.

“Darcy- “ Okay, she loves hearing him say her name. “It’s okay. I happen to agree with you.”

“You do?”

“Yes.

“But?”

“But there are some issues.”

“Like?

“The technicality aspect.”

“Hold on. I’ve read the fraternization policy, and finding meaning in it is like trying to find meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.”

“Did you just quote Clueless at me?”

“Yes. I did.” She grins. Then - “Wait. Do I even want to know how you know that quote?”

“I have three nieces and a sister that’s entirely too good at guilt tripping me into things. But back to the subject at hand; you’re right. Fury tried to enforce it but gave up mostly because of Natasha and Clint.”

“Ha! I knew those two were together.”

“I wouldn’t feel too special. Everybody knows they’re together. Even Steve from the mailroom knows they’re together.”

She shoots him a look, which earns her a slightly crooked grin in return. Who knew that Phil Coulson had a sense of humor?

“Okay. So, that issue is moot. And did you know that the original meaning of moot wasn’t actually moot?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re back to the whole non-verbal thing. Okay. So what’s the other issue?”

“I’m twice your age.”

“The man doth protest too much.”

“First you quote Clueless, now you’re butchering Shakespeare?”

“Not butchering, only altering to fit the situation. And I love the Bard, yo. I was the only one in my freshman English class to know that when Juliet was waxing on about Romeo that she wasn’t talking about where he was.”

Phil grins a little at this, and when he stays quiet she continues on.

“Look. I like you. And I think that by you being here that you must like me. So what, you’re older than me? Age is but a number. And we both work for SHIELD, so there won’t be any uncomfortable moments of having to lie about our jobs. I say we give it a shot. It’s not like we’re talking quantum physics here.”

“I thought we were discussing a potential relationship, not if the cookie stand is a part of the food court.”

Now it’s Darcy’s turn to grin, because, seriously, could he get even cooler? “It totally doesn’t.”

Phil grins again, and she likes to think that the grin is a private grin just for her.

And then, because she’s Darcy and entirely too good at fucking these things up, she keeps talking. She’s all serious now, a slight frown on her face as she lets her brain go nuts over the whole situation. “Are you sure about this? A relationship? I mean, even I’ll admit that I can be high maintenance at times. I have questionable table manners and a serious lack of a brain to mouth filter.”

“Darcy. I act as a handler for several incredibly high maintenance agents. I think I can handle you.”

“You want to handle me?” At this she waggles her brows a little, and Phil responds by kissing her. 

Something disconnects in her brain as his lips meet hers, because he’s a seriously good kisser and she’s suddenly really pissed again at the douchebag who shot her because she knows that he’s holding back. And she doesn’t want him to hold back, and realizing that she doesn’t want him to hold back makes her hate the douchebag even more. But even still, it’s a great kiss. Not hesitant or uncertain, but full of promise and hope and dedication and just the slightest hint of lust and desire. It’s that last bit that really makes her wish that she was fully healed, because she could use a little lust and desire right now.

But the kiss, sadly, has to end because they are but human and humans need oxygen. They’re both a little breathless and wide eyed as they pull apart and a grin has etched itself permanently onto her face. Phil is grinning too, and she wants to take a picture of that and keep it forever.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” She’s still breathless, but unfortunately that’s not all to blame on his kiss. Anything beyond walking two feet across the living room floor is still too strenuous for her. And again, damn douchebag and his need to shoot her! This whole getting shot thing is seriously starting to cramp her style. Or at least keep her away from some quality make-out time with Phil.

“Oh, it’s most certainly a yes. But when you’re fully healed.”

“Damn that douchebag and his douchebag ways! Okay. So no handling just yet. But what then?”

“Well, if you’re up for it I can order some Chinese and we could watch a movie. We do have the entire View Askewniverse to get through.”

“Take-out and Kevin Smith movies? You really do know how to charm a girl.”

Phil shuts her up by kissing her again, which is rather effective for the rest of the evening as they settle in to watch Clerks and eat their Chinese together. The only disturbance that arises is when they argue over who gets the last fortune cookie; Darcy claims dibs because she’s the one recovering from a bullet wound, and Phil claims dibs because he paid for the food. So they settle it with a rather heated round of Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Darcy wins.

And splits the cookie with him.


End file.
